Tuesday, December 7, 2010

For Juston...

Juston, In response to your question about the reaction my parents had to my decision: My mother flew out for my birthday and I was very nervous about how she would react. If I remember correctly she said something to the effect of "You know Kurt, I wish I would have done more adventurous things like this when I was your age". She understands me and I her. This is not really the first crazy thing Ive done in my life. In my family I have always seemed the odd one out, the one that gets the laughs but also keeps my parents up at night. I consciously tried to give my parents little heart attacks along the path of my life. All my life since I can remember Ive wanted to do the exact opposite of what everyone else was doing. I dont know why. I think that if I had to find a reason for it, I would say that when I was little I began to recognize that no one I knew was completely happy, or only happy on the surface. The whole of the world and society seemed to be getting less happy and intelligent the more progress we made, the more stuff we had. With that I kind of decided like a child that "everyone is stupid"/ And with that foundation I gained severe distrust for the 'norm' and for what people told me to do. In high school that was good and bad. I never drank alcohol or cursed or had sex like everyone else was doing, but I also cared little for grades and class and social activities. I was as against the grain as you could go without seeming weird or disturbed. After high school college didnt interest me at all. Even so I dont think I would have been able to get in anywhere. I wanted to get in my van and drive cross country playing music. However this was a problem too because I didnt know how to play music. So I worked and I played and I did what no one was doing so that I could be by myself in something and not worry about being swallowed up by the masses. I became very inactive in my church and explored other churches and philosophy and relationships. Nothing made me happy and I increasingly became more and more miserable with my life and it was because I realized one day that I was slowly slipping into normality. I was a southern redneck with no smarts and a low paying job, a girlfriend who didnt love me, and nothing in my future. It was then I decided that change was a must for happiness. Differentiate your life and you will find that you can live a thousand of them. I regressed back to the things that made me happy and eventually found my church again, this time on my own. I went on a mission to Mexico to teach the gospel and this event wa one of two seminal events in my young life. I read. I read a lot, something I had never done before. I hadnt completed one book since middle school and here I was reading. And whats more is I was reading in Spanish and English. I read only religious books, however it was all I needed. I began thirsting for knowledge, something most people do as children and something that didnt interest me until then when I was twenty. When I came home from Mexico I was addicted to learning and had a want for college. I wanted to teach because I loved learning so much and it seemed logical. So I went to college. After two semesters I was completely disenchanted and quit. The experience there reminded me of high school and I felt as though I was learning faster on my own than in an institution. In 2007 the revolution of change came calling for me again and in a big way. I fled from my home town and took a summer road trip across and through and around the country. For months I drove. Sometimes with friends and sometimes alone. Paul, my best friend, came with me at the start and in the short ten days that we shared my little Hyundai Accent our lives were changed. He experienced things that would set the gears in motion that would eventually convert him to Mormonism, help him find his soul mate and to move from Georgia where he was born and raised to start a new life in Salt Lake City. I met who I thought would be my soul mate out there on the road and would actually bring her back to Georgia in that little Accent at the close of my road trip. The Lord would have other plans for my love life but the experiences I had would, like Paul, lead me out to Utah.
        Ive bee here ever since trying to reconcile the desire I have to progress in life, to be successful and to be 'the norm' with the deep rooted desire to push against the pricks, to spit into the wind, and to go against the grain. I know that simply living in a van is not some statement of rebellion so strong that it could be considered revolutionary. But for me it is change, it is variable, and because of that I feel I can thrive in it.
       My mother, and father for the most part, know all of this about me. They experienced it first hand. And so when they saw the news bit on my story back in July, I can imagine that they just laughed and shook their head and said "typical Kurt". My father didnt accept my actions until recently however. He has always had such high hopes for me and Ive always wanted to make good on those hopes. I think he saw this as a backstep. But recently, while talking to him on the phone, and realizing how much money I was saving and the progress I was making in the other aspects of my life, he sort of gave me his blessing or at least let me know that he wasnt disappointed in me, which would be devastating.
      So there is the long answer. I am blessed to have parents who can accept my odd, if unique methods, and to be able to have their support in the things that I do, no matter how irrelevant they may seem to my life's progression .Any more questions folks!?
This i my cute little van after some snow. It feels very good to sleep in a snow storm. Kind of like letting God build an igloo around you while you dream! It was 8 degrees that night and I felt like nothing less than the feeling of sliding into a Hot Pocket after it gets out of the microwave. That electric blanket and the bed I made are the best ideas I have ever had for this van. 

1 comment:

  1. Hey I really enjoyed the last post as well as this one! Thanks for the insight, keep it up!