Thursday, October 28, 2010

Baltimore and The Wire

Ok so I have gotten into a show called The Wire lately. Its my favorite. Its about Baltimore and the cops and drugs and thugs and politicians there. Its incredible! Anyways. I never though in a million years I would ever find myself in Baltimore in the ghetto but today I was in that very place, in BALTIMORE! More to come on that. Life is incredibly busy. Ugh. However, the above picture is of me and my home and the back yard that has adopted me. White trash heaven! See you soon.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Kurt and the Amazing Techni-lectric Dream Blanket!

So I decided to scrap the idea for a heating system. I got an electric blanket instead. $25 bucks at Wal-Mart! I love sleeping in the cold and this blanket will keep me just warm enough. I work nightwatch shifts at a treatment center and so I decided to try it out to see how warm I could get under that thing. When you sit in a room all night drinking water and juice and eating snack food and not moving, just sitting and reading or watching movies and not sleeping at all, your body temperature drops immensely. In the summer you still have to bundle up because you just get plain cold. So I plugged in the blanket and put on a movie, Army of Darkness, starring the beloved Bruce Campbell, the most amazing B actor of all time. Check this out:

So I fall asleep because it gets warm under that thing fast. I wake up five minutes later because the building is on fire! Its burning from the roof down and I cant get up for some reason and then I realize that Im covered in little tiny versions of me and they've strapped me down with rope and they are poking me with pens and pins and laughing while the ceiling starts ashing down on me and burning my face! And I look over to the left and holy crap this brigade of evil skeletons on fire are marching to me to destroy me and turn me into one of them and Im trying hard to get out of the ropes and away from the fire but there is nothing I can do and now I start choking on the fumes. The thick black smoke is thick and black and I cant see anything. Its all pitch black and then......... whoops I was asleep it was a dream. That Army of Darkness movie is effed up and found its way into my five minute dream. As for the fire...... THAT BLANKET IS SO HOT! I was sweating bullets! BULLETS PEOPLE! Anyways. So experiment successful. The blanket is gonna do just fine. I love my life.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Future!

Ok so Im making a special post because I love my friends. I was a part of a photobooth company a few years back and it was great. My friends Steve and Dave eventually found their way into the business too and they really took to it. And I mean they REALLY took to it. Now they have a very successful business out in D.C. doing exclusive rentals to some very cool parties and places. If you dont know anything about photoboothing you can be dazzled HERE!

        They have invented a booth that will blow your face off. It is their brainchild. I am amazed and proud of them and I must blog about them. This is the new booth.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Halloween time!

Halloween is just around the corner.

I have my costume! Its in the mail but its a surprise! Anyone want to take any guesses at what it is? Ill give you a hint: I can wear it and still look homeless just fine.

Also Ive carved a pumpkin and made a pumpkin pie and watched The Village which by the way is a very very underrated movie!

ALSO: What do you think about this idea. I think I may, instead of a heating system, just get an electric blanket! Its cheap and the past couple of nights have gotten into the high thirties and I have been fine without heating and just wrapping up in tons of blankets. Good idea? Help!

(A photo of me and my would-be electric blanket)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I made a Boo Boo

So maybe now Im thinking it wasnt such a good idea to put a glass framed picture of George Washington kneeling to pray right next to my bed where I sleep.

    I woke up this morning, wiped my eyes, and worked to get them open. When they finally could see there was BLOOD EVERYWHERE! Ok, not everywhere. But there was blood on my pillow and on the blanket below me. Was I shot? Did mice eat the bottom of my feet like in that one movie?

 Did something...... more disgusting..... happen? I checked myself and could not find where the blood had come from and had no pains. Then I remembered.

      Last night I had wild dreams! I mean just crazy dreams! I woke up several times. And I remember one of these dreams I was climbing up a waterfall, slippery, mossy, and I was using vines to climb up. Everything was fine until the vines ripped away from the rock and the moss and I was swinging out over....... wait for it..... yeah you guessed it, the downtown LA freeway. I held on for as long as I could and then slipped off and free fell straight into traffic.

This is when I woke up flailing. In my flailing and knashing I accidentally threw my elbow straight into George Washingtons horse, cracking the glass and cutting my elbow. Since you cant really feel anything back there, and since I was super tired, I thought not much of it and went back to bed. Hours later I wake up.... panic ensues. So thats the story of the guy who lives in his van and elbows works of art. Thank you.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Its Still Hot Out There Folks!

Im not complaining. Let m start first by saying that Im not complaining! But it is hot out there! Did somebody move the sun closer? I love it because we had a late start to our summer out here in Utah and I hate it because I start to roast in my sleep around the time the sun comes up. The nights, luckily get very cold still. I love sleeping in the cold! Thats why, for many reasons I feel like the winter will be better for me than the summer. Im taking the in between time in the fall to prepare and store up on the things Im going to need for the winter months. Here is the list I have so far:

- SPACE HEATER- Dont worry. I will not burn myself alive or die of carbon monoxide poisoning, I promise! A lot of people have been telling me how concerned they have been for my fire safety and Ive solved the problem. I have this friend who has a friend who lives in a tent and has figured out what to do. I will be building a box for the space heater that will be outside the van. Then Ill be tracking some air conditioning vents from it to my window which will also be insulated. That way I have free flowing hot air in a safe setting. It will look pretty much EXACTLY like this (except not really at all):

-FOOD STORAGE- Ive been stocking up on canned foods all summer. I have a good load of veggies, fruits, and meat. I have rice. I have water. I know that Im in the city and that I could potentially just head to the store for supplies but with alternative living...... you just never know.

-CAMPING STOVE- My dear sweet Aunt bought me a two burner Coleman camping stove for my birthday. It runs on propane and Ill be using it a whole lot this winter. Soup, I think, will be my best friend soon.

-A BELOW '0' SLEEPING BAG- since I love sleeping in the cold anyways, this along with all of my other blankets and warmers should suffice adequately for the snow.

- LONG JOHNS!- My favorite addition to my apparel, the long johns are a comfortable, classy, practical solution to all your winter wear needs!

So all in all Im excited for the weather to come, and Im excited that it hasnt come yet. Although around this time I start to get the fall itch for all things pumpkin and orange and yellow colors and boots with the fur (like the song). In fact, just today went to Sammys with the most beautiful woman Ive ever known to pick up a couple of Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake Shakes.

They put actually slices of pie in the blender to make the shake! Crust and all! Incredible. Homeless life is unquestionably worth it if I can have one of those shakes every once in a while. Later gang!