The Worn Down

Things I miss already:

Getting dressed standing up
Brushing my teeth in a sink
A stove
Air Conditioning
Being attractive to the opposite sex
Electricity
My scooter
Cold Water


Without these things you get worn down. However, its interesting to me to see how easily, if naturally, Ive slipped into vagabond life. I sleep well now. Only the loud gossip filled phone conversations of married women as they get into their cars to leave to work or to run errands can wake me up now. I hold on to the things I have. My bike. My collection of music. My books. My body. My relationships. Its so funny to me how quickly Im changing! I see this one homeless man all the time. He walks up and down University all day every day. At some point each day he stops at the Provo library and unloads the shopping cart full of things he drags along with him. He unravels all the cloth in there, spreading it on the library lawn, and separates the things he's collected or acquired and then he leaves his cart for the shade of a tree. There he curls up and naps. I used to look at him as so weak. A man who has let life's experiences beat him into submission. I dont know anymore. I dont know what he has done or where he has come from. I dont know anything about him and I realize that now. What I HAVE come to realize these past couple of weeks is how precious the very few things I now have are to me, and how at the same time I know I could cope and move on without them. And Ive learned what a great big thing it is to get into the shade during the day. Ive learned how to live in sync with my body, its functions, the weather, the town, its movements, consistencies and inconsistencies with my surroundings and how they affect me everyday. I may not know anything about that man and likey never would have connected or related to him in any way, staying completely apart from him without my recent experiences. But now I know a little bit of him. I know why he sleeps in the shade. And maybe I know why he retraces his steps, pacing all the days of the week, too-ing and fro-ing along the same street. Because I think the one thing Ive realized about this lifestyle Ive taken on is that you have to keep moving. If you slow down you'll stop. And if you stop and let your life and the world go by, you very well could lose yourself. So you just gotta keep moving. No matter what. And with that.... comes the wear down.